A Few G'days

Peterpan Internet, Byron Bay

We spent three days more with Tom, including a trip back down to Sydney (Tweedie met someone she knew from London on Bondi Beach but he didn't remember her - very embarrassing for her) and a wine tour in the Hunter Valley. Then on to Port Macquarie, a quiet, fairly nondescript beach town whose main feature was that locals had taken to decorating the rocks that form the breakwall, some with 'Glenn heart Julie 4 eva' and variants, but some with really rather artistic designs which enlivened a walk along the beach.

Next stop was South West Rocks, a similar but prettier beach town further up the coast. It was there that, taking out my contact lenses in preparation for an ocean dip on a blustery day, the right one blew out of my hands and away into the sand. I have consulted with William Hill and they confirm that 'contact lens on a beach' ranks above 'needle in a haystack' in the unlikeliness stakes. Fortunately I had not one but two spare pairs to hand. South West Rocks is also home to Trial Bay Gaol, one of the first prisons established by the British when New South Wales was settled. This led to much hilarious banter about Australia being essentially one big prison, a fact of which locals (well, the one barman I spoke to) seemed delighted to be reminded.

We headed inland next to Armidale, a sleepy university town on the cold side of the mountains. The drive there was rather more eventful than we had bargained for, as we followed the first road, rather than the best road signposted 'Armidale'. Only later did we discover the difference. After half an hour we stopped in a town called Bellbrook, although town might be too grand a term for a post office and a general store. We popped into the latter for water and after being shown (unasked for - I don't think they get many tourists in Bellbrook) the largest collection of teaspoons on display in the world (2800 - I wondered if Alanis Morrissette had been there) were asked where we came from ("London? I think you're lost") and what we were doing in Bellbrook. When we answered "driving to Armidale" the reply came immediately: "have you got four-wheel drive?". I answered "no" with a reasonable amount of certainty (we have a Hyundai Getz called Helen - it is tiny). A pause, then a hopeful: "Ah. Well you'll probably be ok". We were, but not until we had completed 3 hours up and down a seemingly endless mountain range conducted exclusively on winding gravel tracks and muddy dirt roads, at one point meeting a lorry coming the other way down a single carriageway and having to reverse 200m downhill and round numerous unsealed corners with a 100 ft drop on the wrong side.

After this the sleepiness of Armidale came as something of a relief. The town is famous for its autumnal brownness (apparently this is rare in Australia) and when asking at the Tourist Information office what we should do with our afternoon we received the beaming yet underwhelming reply : "Just look at the leaves all afternoon". Once we had recovered from the shock of dead leaves in autumn we discovered a 'Heritage Walking Tour of Armidale' and soon after discovered that 'Heritage' in Australia means anything, largely post offices and police stations, older than 1900. I've lived in older buildings.

The next day we planned to drive the Waterfall Way, a scenic 168km of decent road between Armidale and Coff's Harbour lined with National Parks, spectacular scenery and a few dozen waterfalls. Sadly we woke to find rain falling, so drove 130 of these kilometres to Bellingen, a smallish arty town with an award-winning hostel in which we fortunately bagged the best room, with a balcony overlooking the river and acres of rolling hills. We meandered around the town's myriad craft shops and waited for the rain to end, which it unobligingly did only once dark had descended. The next day happily brought sunshine so we retraced our steps, stopping at Dorrigo National Park to see the rainforest, at Woolomombi and Ebor to stare at waterfalls, and at Cathedral Rocks to ponder some precariously-balanced rocks, which was better than it might sound.

We returned to Bellingen for another cheese and wine evening on our balcony, and left the next morning. From here we drove to Yamba (stopping at Coff's Harbour for an obligatory photo in front of the Big Banana) to stay for a few days with our friends Paul and Gillian whom we had met in Vietnam. Upon arrival we went immediately to a campsite and found a tent and a pile of firewood waiting for us. We built a fire, barbequed some burgers and had a thoroughly excellent evening catching up on travel stories. After a problematic night's sleep involving Tweedie, half a box of red wine and a vomit-strewn tent interior we spent the next day doing rugged Australian things. Tweedie and I both caught our first fish - a bream apiece - and we returned to the campsite for another, similarly simple campfire evening.

On Sunday we woke early to drive to their friends Ross and Helen's house on the river, and went out on their boat for a breakfast-time fishing trip. We were sadly unable to repeat the feats of the previous day but fortunately Helen had packed bacon and eggs which were barbequed on the bow-end (I got it wrong at the time). After a great trip round the bay we returned to their amazingly zoological home and listened to their stories from a lifetime of being interested in the world. More fishing in the afternoon - Tweedie has decided it will be her new hobby just so she has something to talk about at parties - and I caught another fish, this time a whiting. I don't care how small both fish were, it was very exciting.

We left the following day, after possibly final (although I really hope otherwise) goodbyes and arrived here in Byron Bay yesterday afternoon. This is the ultimate Australian beach party town - there is hardly a shop not designed for tourists - but it remains chilled enough to be enjoyable. A quiet evening yesterday, and a walk up to Cape Byron lighthouse this afternoon. The sun disappeared permanently behind a hitherto nonexistent cloud the second we attempted to begin our afternoon lounging on the beach, hence my presence in this internet cafe.

That just about brings us up to date. Apologies for the 'and then we did this and then we did that' feel of this post, but I had some ground to make up.

Could someone please call me when we have a prime minister? Cheers.

Over.